Last night my daughter's softball team lost by one point in a playoff game. It was a heartbreak. They played the best they had all season. They cheered each other on, gave it all on the field, and felt the highs and the lows of being on a team. Last night's loss ended this season for them.
There were tears and hugs. High fives and "good season" salutations by the players, parents, and coaches. I am so happy that my daughter had this experience, being on a team, processing winning and losing, and also committing to the grind each week of school, practice, and other obligations.
When we got home and settled a bit, she timidly mentioned to me that she had forgotten her water bottle at the field.
I paused for a second and could sense she was somewhat scared to tell me.
"That's a bummer. Good thing we have other water bottles." That is what I ended up saying.
I went on making our quick dinner and sorting the mail from the day.
And that was the last thought I had about that water bottle.
As little as six months ago, I would have ruminated and been so frustrated about the forgotten water bottle. I *may* have said to her "Don't worry about it" eventually, but first I would have definitely expressed my frustration about her forgetting it (especially after she had been reminded) and likely would have offered her a short lecture about being more careful with our things and how that is wasting money.
Then I would have silently berated myself over having that outward reaction to her, making sure my inner self knew I had overreacted, let my anger get the best of me and therefore was a bad mom.
At the same time, my mind would overly debate how kids do need to be responsible for things and it was my job to make sure she knew that and to course correct along the way, justifying my reaction as reasonable. This exchange would have lasted as a battle in my head for several hours or even a few days and definitely would have me losing sleep.
Over a freakin' water bottle. Something we have 10 more of in our kitchen cabinets.
Can you relate?
What was truly different about last night's interaction was:
I meant what I said to her. "That's a bummer. Good thing we have other water bottles."
My mind rested after.
You see, I've been working diligently on my thoughts and reactions. I have worked very hard to create a margin in life so that I am not running at 100mph every minute of every day. This has resulted in being able to control outwardly and internally my reactions to normal life situations.
I have actively participated in mind and body work to reset my flight or fight responses to what actually requires a sympathetic nervous system response.
I have worked to be present in the current moment. To release my inner critic when it's not needed in a situation. I have made conscious decisions to change my default setting from "any inconvenience puts me over the edge" to "recognize what is and isn't of importance to spend energy on."
Regulating my emotional response and passing on skills to them to do the same is the best parenting I can offer as well.
I am also learning to give and receive grace.
There are times when course correction, discipline, and lesson teaching are necessary although so hard in parenting. But for our family, I have come to really understand that there are more times when grace is the answer, and that is a lesson in itself.
So, I'm thankful for last night's forgotten water bottle. I am so proud of myself for letting the words spoken out loud match my inner voice and getting a solid night's sleep without any ruminating about a stupid water bottle.