I have an incredible mother-in-law. She is generous in so many ways including the amount of words she uses in any given day. She will talk to anyone and everyone including most strangers. In less than a 60-second conversation, they will know she is from Nevada, but not Las Vegas, another town called Elko, which is way up by Salt Lake City, or the northeast part of the state. The nail tech, a parent watching a sporting event, and sometimes the drive-thru teenager will know this fact about her if granted the quickest of exchanges with her.
Undoubtedly, her love language is gift-giving as she shows her love as well as receives her greatest feelings of love that way. Nearly weekly, a package will arrive (usually for our girls) with a quick note, a small token of love she thought they could use, or a sweet treat to make them smile. How lucky are we?
She is also an avid GMA watcher and has been most of her retired years. Sipping coffee and seeing what the world headlines are each day, enjoying the product reviews and celebrity gossip is right up her alley. Whatever new book, gizmo, or gadget they are particularly swooning over often she will "add to cart" and send it our way.
A book arrived addressed to me a while back. She had also sent me books on sleep, eating healthy, and crockpot recipes. The title of this one was, "10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story" by Dan Harris.
It sat on my nightstand for a few weeks until I was packing for a work trip and dropped it in my carry-on.
In the book, Harris shares about an anxiety attack he suffered on live national TV. He completely froze at the moment - for several moments - and the wellness work he did to recognize his overwhelming stress, deal with his negative self-talk, and find a deeper meaning to being happy in life. He employs an intensive practice of meditation and similar therapies, digging deep into the self psyche, and how mind and body are connected. Fascinating, helpful concepts for areas each of us can learn to better manage our stress.
However, for me, he illuminated an idea that greatly changed my stress management toolkit and interrupted the downward spiral of negative self-talk. The concept (in my simple words) is this: If at any given moment, you would not change your circumstances, environment, or reality, then be fully present where you are currently. I've heard it also said, "Be (mentally & emotionally) where your feet are (physically)."
I put this concept right to work during that same work trip when I started reading this book. I was missing my kids and wondering what they were up to. That thought is a normal and expected thought of most parents away from their kids. When it starts to become a detrimental thought is when the ache of missing them detracts from the present experience I am meant to have. So, applying the concept Harris teaches, I had to consider that I would not have left the work trip to fly home early to see them and stop missing them. Rather, I was able to acknowledge missing them is a healthy feeling, then move through that feeling to being fully present with my colleagues, enjoy their company, and get the most out of the few days I was away.
Harris explains that if you can apply this thought pattern and make your current reality 10% more enjoyable or happy, then it's a win.
Another example is when I am watching a softball game for my daughter. I am physically at the game, but my mind is anywhere but the ball field. Work deadlines and the stress of the day are swirling in my mind. I'm replaying the frustrating conversations and to-do list that I neglected to update before leaving for the game and I miss her being up to bat.
Applying this concept, I learned to:
Acknowledge I am swirling and not being fully present where my feet are.
Genuinely ask myself if I would change where my feet are to address what is swirling in my head.
If I decide that I am not going to change my current reality to deal with my thoughts, then consciously shift to being fully present and enjoy that time.
This has been a powerful mindset exercise I use all the time. It certainly took some discipline to recognize when I needed to apply it and allow it to help, but I can honestly say, it has changed how I show up for present moments in my life.
I am thankful for people who chose to be vulnerable about their anxiety and stress. I am equally thankful for those who share tools and ideas to make others' lives a little bit happier.
So, add this book to your cart and you may find yourself 10% happier on the daily.
Dan Harris has a 10% happier podcast also that is a new find and quick favorite of mine. I should add it to my top 10 inspirational podcast post too.